Well, it’s been a while since I’ve written one of these. The last few Monday’s I’ve been off as there was Thanksgiving and the Fall reading week that came up. I don’t know about you but it was really nice to unplug for a bit.
During the week, I had to go to dentist for my regular cleaning which is normally a pleasant experience. Hell, anything where I can lie down and watch TV is heaven for me. My regular hygienist was away this particular day so I was paired with someone new, which is normally fine, but I just hate the icebreakers that go along with it when you’re meeting someone new. Despite how much I don’t like these conversational topics, I was raised to be polite and be kind to new people, not to mention, these fuckers are working on my teeth so one bad comment and, “oops I accidentally took out a filling, it’ll be $500 to replace it”.
So, I engage in conversation.
I feel bad saying shit like this because, to be completely honest, I have had some of the best conversations when I’m on the chair. I don’t know what it is about going to the dentist that I become so comfortable talking to this random person. We talk about everything from the world, school, my job, their job, we essentially go through every aspect of our lives as if we’re close friends.
Here’s the problem.
Because the hygienists are so conversational, they bring up these great topics while their working on your teeth. You don’t want to be rude so you respond and engage with them but they got every tool and apparatus known to man in your mouth that is preventing you from responding to what they’re saying. And for some reason, you end up responding without using your tongue or moving your lips to the point where you just end making sounds as if you’re gargling marbles.
I feel like these fuckers do it on purpose sometimes just to get a laugh. They’ll ask you about something where you’re required to respond and then they’ll stick that fucking hose down your throat.
“So, how’s everything at work?”
“Pretty good, actually, I…..”
“HHHHKKKKKK”
I feel like I’m getting water-boarded by the FBI every time they ask a question.
They’re either squirting water into your mouth, putting that nasty-ass paste on your teeth that feels like wet cement, or sticking a fucking fork in your mouth and scraping what’s left of last night’s dinner off your teeth, all while asking the most thought-provoking questions. And the worst part about it is, sometimes you’ll think of the best shit to say back to them and only be reduced to the sounds of “ya” or “uh-huh” because you’ve lost all access to your mouth.
And then, after your mouth has been completely violated and can no longer feel your teeth, they give you a goodie-bag, pat you on the head, and then have you pay the fine. I genuinely think I can open my own dentistry practice with the amount of floss, toothbrushes, and toothpaste, I’ve been given in these goodie-bags at the end of each of my visits.
Anyways…
That’s the end of this week’s rant. Join me next week where we see what’s bothering me next.
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