I haven’t had a Black Friday off in 6 years.
I wouldn’t even know what to do on that day if I wasn’t working. I genuinely think a black hole would open in the universe if I wasn’t working on Black Friday.
It’s funny in a way, for each black Friday for the last 6 years, I’ve worked at a different store. With the experience I have, I know how to do it right and how not to do it. And along with that, I’ve encountered so many different situations that I feel confident enough to say that I’ve seen it all.
So I thought.
And yes, it’s going to be another blog post about me bitching about my job, so let’s jump right in.
For starters, I want to preface this post by stating that I understand that most people would like to capitalize on Black Friday discounts, I, for one, am guilty of this. So I can understand why the mall would be as packed as it was.
But is there a reason as to why everyone needs to make it a family reunion? At some point during my shift, I had a family of, (and I shit you not), 12 people walk into the store.
12
Fucking
People
I’m sorry, but did you not get the chance to call a city council meeting to get the approval to buy a $29.99 T-Shirt? Normally, one would get a second opinion, but 12 people?! They brought a 95 year old woman in a wheelchair with them for God sakes. I hate to break it to ya bud, but great-aunt Jemima doesn’t even know what year it is, she probably thinks it’s still the prohibition era, so I don’t think she gives a shit if you buy a t-shirt.
Here’s the Coup De Grace.
They brought the fucking dog with them.
What possible role in the decision-making process does Fido play in this situation. Listen, I love animals, especially dogs, more than people at times, so I have no problem when I see them. But when they’re in the store they give me flashbacks to that one fateful day.
Quick story time.
One time, at my old job, a co-worker came up to me and had a look of frustration on her which normally meant something went fucky.
She came up to me and told me with the softest voice.
“A dog took a shit in front of the store”.
At first I didn’t believe her, but then…
I smelt it.
So here I am, standing at the front of my store, staring at the nastiest brick a dog could’ve left. To this day, I still don’t understand who would allow that to happen. I had to look at it from a different angle and each perspective left me more confused.
Normally, a dog will typically walk in front of you. And if a dog is taking a shit, the fucker will stop moving, leading to the owner to witness that their bastard dog is taking a shit.
Now, on the other hand, let’s just say that for some odd reason the dog was trailing behind the owner. Hypothetically, the dog would again stop moving, leading the owner to look back at the bastard dog as to why he’s slowing down and witness the shit (no pun intended) that is taking place.
SO EITHER WAY, YOU WOULD SEE THE SHIT HAPPENING
Unless this was an old dog that was doing a drive-by and was shitting as he was walking along, then there is no way the perpetrator couldn’t have known what was going on, so there should be NO REASON as to why the owner couldn’t clean up after the dog.
Not to mention, Dog owners usually carry crap bags that are attached to the leash, so at no point did the person think to pick it up, tell someone about it, or make sure that nobody stepped in it.
Here’s where I lost faith in humanity.
People where stepping in it and tracking it into the store. I had to kick 5 people out that day because of the skid marks they were leaving behind.
This is proof that the mutants in the mall are a bunch of functioning idiots that can’t look 2 feet in front of them to avoid a heaping pile of shit. Mall-dummies, I call them.
So I called the mall custodian, who naturally blamed me for the shit on the floor, and carried on with my day.
God, this was supposed to be a post about Black Friday.
Anyways, hope you had a good Black Friday.
Cheers,
V.
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